Nuka vs. The Land Walrus presents 6 Alternative Uses for your pet

     Dogs are great for many reasons.  They make fine companions, they encourage you to get outside and exercise and they are always happy to see you, no matter what.  But if you have become bored with your canine companion, I would like to present to you some alternative uses for your furry friend.

1. Alarm System

     Some people complain about a dog that barks too much, but they are really overlooking a positive quality in their pet.  Save on your Brinks bill by getting a dog that does bark when the door opens, or the window opens, or a slight breeze rustles a tree.  This is an easy notification system for you that not only works for potential criminals, but also for wayward teenagers sneaking in after curfew.

2. Scapegoat

     Passed gas?  Knocked over your mom's prized African violet?  Ate the last piece of pie?  Solution  - Blame the dog!  A simple cry of, "Oh, Nuka!" (Insert your pet's name here) will often suffice.  The key to pulling this off is the amount of sincerity in your voice with the delivery.  As a bonus, dogs do not mind taking the blame as long as you slip them a cookie while they are banished to their bed.

3. Heater

     If you live in a cold climate like I do, you know damn well that sometimes, like in the grips of February, for instance, no amount of central heating will suffice.  This is when you should take a good, long, look at your dog.  See how he is covered in fur?  He also possesses a regular body temperature that is higher then yours, making him a perfect heating pad.  Maybe it is time to let Fido sleep on the bed with you, at least during ice storms.

Duke's Belly = Foot Warmer

4. Vacuum/Swiffer

     In my experience, basset hounds work best in this role, but I'm sure other dogs would preform equally well if given the chance.  Don't feel like vacuuming?  Cutting carrots and they keep flying off the counter?  Spilled milk on the floor and can only sigh?  Now is the time to let the dog into the kitchen.  Just let him go at it, and in no time whatsoever the mess that you just made will be clean, and as an added bonus, your dog just got a tasty treat!  This ability becomes far more pronounced around eating and walking toddlers, who your dog can follow around and clean up the mess as it is being made.  Good dog!

5. Accessory

     I'm not a huge fan of dog clothes, but I do like collars and bandannas.  Celebrate the season with a festive collar or a Christmas bandanna.  Not a holiday?  No problem!  Your local fabric store will cheaply furnish you with all kinds of fabrics and colours that can be easily folded into a snazzy kerchief.  Coordinate outfits with your pup!  If you have more then one dog, then take the dog that best suits your mood.  Feeling saucy?  Take Nuka, that sassy redhead and give her a fiery colour scheme.  Want to meet some new people?  Throw a mellow blue on your freaking adorable basset hound, and head to the park!

Nivek's black fur looks stunning against this festive Halloween orange number!  Tres chic!

6. Unwanted Human Scatterer

     I know from personal experience that a German Shepherd works very well for this, but I'm sure that any motivated canine could do a stand up job.  Tired of door to door solicitors?  Had enough of those loud, screaming kids running around outside your house?  The solution, my friends, is literally standing on your toes!  Leave just your screen door closed and stop giving the dog trouble for barking at the door, let them go nuts!  You won't get any more of that pesky mail that's been plaguing you and door to door solicitations will drop dramatically.  Still not enough?  Eye up those annoying children and then eye up your dog.  Then just do what you both know you want to, open the door!  Let your dog, preferably one who is friendly at heart, but has serious psychological problems that make her run and bark like a raving fool, out, just let her out like a barking maniac, and boy oh boy, watch those kids scatter to the four corners of the earth in record time.  Ah, finally, some peace and quiet!*

     As you can see, your pet dog has many uses.  If you are ready to spice up your relationship, try one of these alternative uses for your pet.  You will both be entertained and brought closer together by exploring new and wonderful experiences, together.


*Nuka vs. The Land Walrus accepts no responsibility if your dog mauls someone, bites someone, proceeds to chase a car down the street or sees something shiny and doesn't come back when called.

Dogs vs. Roadtrip: Part Three: The Actual Visit

     Jocko Point is a nice place for me to sit around, stare at water and listen to nothing but the gentle twitter of birds and the soft lull of lapping waves.  The dogs also seem to enjoy it.
     What with the tire and all, (see Part Two), not to mention the traffic, the six hour trip took us more like nine hours, and Duke and Nuka were understandably relieved when they were released from the confines of the Volvo.  Duke's first road trip had been a trial by fire, but he survived, and when we popped the back hatch and led him loose on the shores of Lake Nippissing, leashless, no less, he forgot all about the trauma.

Duke and Nuka, released from the Volvo

     No one, and I mean no one on Jocko Point leashes their dogs, and fences, what fences?  Now, here in southern Ontario, a loose dog will set you back a minimum of $200.00 and send you on a trip to the pound.  On Jocko Point, it's just a really good way to chat with the neighbours.
     I have known since we got Nuka that she is better behaved off leash.  I don't try to understand this, but I'm sure it's some deep, psychological issue she has with being restrained.  The problem, and it hurts to admit this, is that I don't trust Nuka.  I trusted Seeka, I trusted Nivek, but I don't trust Nuka, sorry girl.

There is something out there, something I want to chase...

     In spite of my blatant mistrust, Nuka has always behaved herself on Jocko Point.  She stays in the loosely defined 'yard', she does not attack and/or chase the random dogs that romp through Jocko's back hedges to say hello, and to date, she has never chased anything farther then my field of vision, except of course, a tennis ball.  It's like she knows, somehow, intuitively, that if she messes up, she may never get to come back.  On this point, she is correct.

Ice floes never stopped Nuka from swimming, they did stop Duke though.

          We played a lot of ball, and despite the water's frigid temperature, Nuka swam every day while Duke barked at her from the safety of the dock.  More then once I had to chase the hound, who followed his nose a little too far, but overall, the trip was a resounding success and the city dogs got to enjoy some country life, unrestricted and as free as a domestic pet can probably be.  Duke found a golf ball on Saturday and it became his most favorite thing.

His putt needs work, but Duke instantly bonded with the golf ball

     Jeremy and I did a lot of sitting, eating and drinking.  We played with the dogs, had Easter dinner and did a little walking tour of the traditional powwow grounds of the Nippissing First Nations People on the tip of Jocko Point.

Easter dinner?  I gots me a burnt waffle, score!

     Duke charmed Jeremy's family on his first trip to their home with his hilarious face and gentle disposition.  In the picture above, you might notice the position of his hind legs, splayed behind him in a 'T', which for whatever reason, is a position he often stays in for hours.  This struck Jeremy's mother just the right way and she spent a good portion of the weekend laughing at it and taking pictures of it.  Ah, Duke, always a ladies man.
     Like most good things, the weekend went by very quickly and Monday morning we grudgingly loaded the canines and came home.  Thankfully, there was not a repeat of the tire incident.  We were all a little depressed the first few days back in the city, but we have some very sweet, relaxing memories to see us through until next time.  If the peace we experienced is any indication, the next time probably won't be all that far in the future.

View from the tip of Jocko Point

     In case you're interested, I posted a funny video of Duke and his golf ball, it's on the sidebar to the right.

Nuka vs. The Land Walrus Mourns

     I must interrupt the saga of the Easter trip, I will post the final part this coming weekend.  In the meantime, I regret to inform you that I must tell a very sad story.
     On May 19, I took Nivek to the vet.  Originally, this appointment was scheduled for his yearly check up and vaccinations, but the closer it came, the more I realized that his vaccinations were the least of my concerns.  The weekend before, a large hygroma on his elbow burst in a big, bloody mess.  This has happened to Nivek before, but this time seemed especially unpleasant.  I cleaned it up and wrapped it, but he fought me every step of the way.  That entire week he began to fail, he didn't eat like usual, and all of the sudden he could no longer get into the car to come to work with me as he has every day for the past four years.
     By Thursday, the hygroma was in pretty good shape, but Nivek was not.  Even with his air conditioner blasting, his breathing was laboured more then usual.  He stopped going for walks with Nuka, Duke and I so I started walking him alone for a few days, very short distances, but then that stopped too.  He needed a boost to stand up most of the time.
     Unfortunately, the news Dr. H had for me was not helpful.  Nivek had an enlarged heart, hence the breathing troubles, and his arthritis had continued to progress, as arthritis tends to do.  I did not go into the office with any false hopes, I only wanted to know what I could do for my oldest and most wonderful friend.  The answer, it breaks my heart to say, was nothing.
     Dr. H put Nivek on Meloxicam for pain and Benazepril for his heart.  These would not cure Nivek, but might help him along a little.  He told me to take Nivek home and keep him happy and comfortable, so that's what I did.
     Nivek's world shrank down basically to the kitchen and living room floors.  With help, he would still go outside to go to the bathroom, but this more and more became me carrying him, not that I minded lugging his 86 pounds around, but it wasn't much of a life.  On Monday, May 23, I painfully put him in the back seat of my car and drove to my parents for a holiday BBQ, Nuka and Duke went to doggie day care.  Nivek spent the day snoozing in the grass in the shade, surrounded by all of the people that have loved him so much since 1998 when he came barreling into out lives.  I think he had a good day.
     On Sunday, May 29, Nivek did not get up in the morning, nor would he with any amount of physical help or coaxing.  He did not eat.  That evening, Jeremy and I were able to carry him outside where he finally went pee.  That night I sat up with him on the kitchen floor until one am.  I cried a lot and we had a good, solid look at each other.
     On Monday, May 30, Nivek did not get up again.  He also did not eat again.  Home alone, I was unable to carry him outside without him helping me.  Dr. H said one of two things would happen, he would stop eating or he would stop moving, Nivek had stopped doing both.  We had another good, long look at each other and another big cry.
     I called Jeremy at work and told him to come home.  He did, and we carried our big, hairy baby to the back of the Volvo and drove to our vet.  Very, very slowly, Nivek was able to walk in with help.  He stopped in the middle of the lobby, breathing very heavily, surrounded by the doctors and vet techs who have taken such good care of him for the last eight years, when we moved to southern Ontario.  Dr. H was waiting in the door to the examination room and I said, "sorry, he does things in his own time."
Dr. H replied. "I think he's earned that right."  Nivek walked into the exam room by himself.
     On Monday, May 30, at 2:37pm, Nivek went to sleep and never woke up.  Jeremy and I were with him.  It was quiet and peaceful.  I might have more to say about this at a later time, but right now I can't type anymore through the tears.

Last picture taken of Nivek, April 24, 2011 with his buddy, Mortimer.

Dogs vs. Roadtrip: Part Two: The Drive

     Sorry for the delay in getting Part Two out, but the story about why it's late is a whole other blog, one that I will write later.
     Anyway, in Part One we saw Nivek safely into the competent care of my parents.  Friday morning saw us venture to the wilds of Jocko Point, or at least attempt to venture there.
     Since I worked all week and then spent Thursday driving Nivek to Wallaceburg, I didn't have a lot of time to prepare myself for Friday morning's rush out the door in the futile attempt to beat somehow, mythologically, the traffic in Toronto.  I am never really prepared for anything, but in spite of this, we were out the door before nine am.  That doesn't sound very impressive, but for me, it is.
     Nuka has been to Jocko Point before and overall, she is a good traveller.  We also take Jeremy's car on such long ventures and unlike the elderly and oft-mocked Saturn, the Volvo is newer, bigger and more reliable...or so you would assume.  The only wild card was Duke, who is fine in the car for short trips, but his stamina for travel was about to be seriously tested.  The drive takes around six hours on a good day, and we didn't know it then, but we were not going to have a good day.

     Like all horror films, things started innocently enough.  We stopped and got gas, we put air in the tires, we went to Tim Horton's for coffee.  Then, we blew this proverbial Popsicle stand and headed toward Toronto and points beyond.  We didn't get very far.
     About forty-five minutes in, yes, that's right, forty-five measly minutes in, Jeremy and I heard a familiar whoomp-whoomp-whoomp from somewhere in the back of the Volvo.  We exchanged a glance.  We ignored it.  Whoomp-whoomp-whoomp.  We exchanged another glance, heavy sighs and pulled into the scenic city of Woodstock, Ontario.
     Now, I say familiar sound because last year we we driving to Jeremy's sister's wedding in Algonquin Park and heard a similar sound from a similar locale.  Further investigation confirmed the same problem.

Same tire, even.  What are the odds?

     Since we were practically in Woodstock already, we managed to drive the car to the parking lot of a Christian school full of school buses, and low and behold, what did we spy across the street?

     What luck!  I'm sure those good people would be happy to sell us a tire, if IT WASN'T GOOD FRIDAY AND EVERYTHING WASN'T CLOSED!
     Thankfully, (????) when I looked the other way, I saw this:

     Yay!  Gas station.  Jeremy and I left the dogs in the car and walked over to the Petro, where a very nice girl gave us the number for a garage that had an emergency line.  I called the line, got an answering service, and then played the waiting game.

Gee, human parents, why isn't this tuna can moving?

     They called promptly and were there in about an hour and a half, which is exactly how long they said they would be.  Then we had to wait while the tire was changed, a fascinating process, to be sure, and a hundred and sixty bucks later, we were on our way...again.  Here's a shout out for Woodstock Tire Service, thanks for working the holiday, kids!
     We were mobile again around noon, we should have been halfway there by then, but I digress.  Thankfully, the rest of the drive was uneventful, except for a visual assault.

     Is that snow on April 22?  You bet it is.  Even for this Canadian, that's gross.  But, the sun was shining and the city was behind us.  Around dinner time, finally, we arrived.

Dogs vs. Roadtrip: Part One: Nivek

     Ah, Easter, or for some of us, a four day weekend, well, if you book it off, that is, and I did.
     Often when holiday time comes, I work through it.  I stay at home with the dogs and generally avoid the six hour drive from southern Ontario (Canada) to Lake Nipissing and Jeremy's parents house on the beach.  It's a long drive, there's a lot of traffic and you spend about as much time driving as you do visiting, so much so that it hardly seems worth it.  But every once in a while I get tired of staying at home by myself like a loser.  I also get very, very tired of the city, and this year was one of those times.  So, I went to Jocko Point with Jeremy.  However, if I go, the dogs go.
     After a lot of humming and hawing about it, I decided that six hours in the back of the Volvo with Duke and Nuka stepping on his face would probably be too much for the elderly and arthritic Nivek.  Sure, Nivek would have a good time once he got there, sleeping on the porch, prancing in the lake, but he would have to survive the trip first, and I was unable to convince myself unequivocally that he would.  This conclusion lead me to:

     Road Trip One: Take Nivek to my parent's house.

     My parents live about two hours away, and it just so happened that the only way to get Nivek to my parents was in my car, so to prepare for this 'vacation,' I brought my sixteen year old sedan into the shop last Friday.  It ended up sleeping over in the garage until Saturday.

Money: A small price to pay for peace of mind.

      So, one oil change, one seasonal service and two sets of front brake pads and rotors later, I was on my way.
     I worked all week and rose early Thursday to do a pre-drive to my parents house in Wallaceburg before our actual trip to Jocko Point on Friday because in Jeremy's words, "I am not driving two hours in the opposite direction of where we are going and then driving to where we are going."
     A valid point.  I left home later then intended Thursday, but otherwise the trip to Wallaceburg, however brief, was both successful and uneventful.  I didn't even get lost trying to find my parents new house in their new town, and if you know me, you know that is no small miracle.  I can also report that I was able to brake successfully every time.  Phew, good thing I spent that three hundred bucks!
     So, Nivek brought all of his crap and made his way into Grandma's house.  In the first thirty seconds he took a huge poop in the yard and then laid down in the middle of the kitchen floor.  None of the cats rose to greet him.

Nivek in a highly agitated state.

     As you can no doubt see from the picture, Nivek was very upset when I left him at my parents.  Thankfully, he will have some feline company to help ease the pain.  As you can see here, Mortimer is trying to comfort him.

Mortimer

     Clearly Mort is a stand up guy, and as if that wasn't enough, there is also Callie and Ichabod for Nivek to not play with over the course of the weekend.  I couldn't find Ich for a picture, but here's Callie showing about as much interest in Nivek as she ever has, and likely, ever will.

Callie

     When I left Nivek, he was snoring peacefully on the kitchen floor and did not notice me leave.  I feel fairly confident that I have left him with every possible thing he could ever want or need (food, leash, eye drops, pill pockets, Busy Bone, Rollover Bone, bowl, treats, antibiotic ointment, vet wrap, collar, toy, bed, hip and joint medication) and my mom with some emergency contact numbers in case a tragedy should occur.  I feel as good as I can that Nivek will survive Easter weekend at my parents.  Whether or not I will is a completely different story.

Dogs vs. Literature

     This week's post was supposed to be called Dogs vs. Spring, in the realm of my mind, anyway, but something happened this week that is still bothering me because I'm a crazy person and dwell on insignificant subjects, so I'm going to write about that instead.  I can only hope you will humour me.
     I don't have cable, that is a very long story, but I don't.  So about once a week I watch a movie.  I live in the strange, mythical, backwater igloo of Canada, and one strange and curious thing that just arrived here is Netflix.  I have this. 
     A few nights ago I watched Of Mice and Men.  Now, I have read this book, but it was a while ago.  Anyway, (spoiler alert if you somehow are unfamiliar with this book!) the part comes along where they convince Candy to take his old dog out and shoot it.  They want to do this because the dog is old, useless and smelly, or so they say.  Then Candy can get a new, more useful dog, yay!
     Long story short, I was disproportionately upset by the shooting of the dog, as was Candy.  What is wrong with these horrible people?  Candy loves that dog, you stupid goons!  Can't you see that it is his only friend, his only love in the world?  Can't you see that it is his only company, his only true friend?   Why would you take the dog and shoot it?  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  ARRRGH! 

     See?  Disproportionately upset.
    
     This movie incident comes on the heels of a book I just finished, The Little Stranger, by Sarah Waters, (spoiler alert if you haven't read this book!).  At the risk of hatin' on an award winning book, I thought it was okay overall, and only okay, but again we have an elderly black lab named Gyp, beloved by all who encounter him.  Gyp is described in intimate detail, the adoring and adored pet of a fading family.  Now, I'll give you one guess what happens to Gyp, just one.  Your clue is that he is an animal in a book.  What could possibly happen to Gyp, the elderly black lab?
     That's right, he gets killed!  Shocking!
     The list of animals killed in literature is long, but Gyp inspired a rather motivated conversation at my fiction critique group which I won't bore you with, suffice to say I will make a concerted effort not to knock off a bunch of beloved pets as a cheap literary mechanism in my own writing.  It's upsetting to those of us who are apparently way too sensitive about some things, and not at all sensitive about others.  I have no problem at all with writers killing off people through various violent means, murder, torture, natural disaster, nuclear annihilation, and other duplicitous activities preformed every second of every day by human beings to other human beings.  I don't know why it's okay for horrible things to happen to people in books, and not to animals and I don't really care.  All I know, is that it is.
     Perhaps it is because I am myself in possession of an elderly dog that is not particularly useful and does not smell particularly great, but days later I am still pissed off about Candy's dog.  Maybe Steinbeck couldn't think of anything else, or maybe he really wanted to foreshadow Lenny's death in a particular way, but let me just say this.  If anyone ever tried to shoot my old, stinky, useless dog, they'd have to take me out first.  Is that going too far?  Maybe, but I'm okay with it.
 

Nuka and Duke vs. Random Destruction

     Ordinary sounds that surround you quickly become part of the background.  You hardly notice them, the tick of your office clock, the hum of your laptop, birds twittering outside.  There are only two reasons that you do notice them, one is that they stop, the other is that a new one is introduced.
     Sadly enough, I know the sounds of my dogs.  I know what one of them is coming up the stairs, I know who is lapping out of the water bowl and who is barking (or hounding) at the poor mail lady.  I also know when they are up to no good, unfortunately, I usually only know that when  it's too late.
     It is important to note here that on the whole, my three dogs are not destructive, at least not on a large scale, and Nivek, not at all.  They do not eat furniture, like a couch or a king size bed, for instance (example: Ollie, a boarder collie and Elias a bull mastiff, two dogs I know).  They do not raid the kitchen, (example: Hunter, a German shorthaired pointer, broke into the pantry and ate all his dog food and three tomatoes.  Dallas, a black lab mix that can only be kept out of the refrigerator with a truck strap).  So, I really shouldn't complain, but it still doesn't make it any better when they do wreck something, and this week, it happened twice.
     The first wasn't a big deal.  I left a shopping bag full of stuff I just bought in the middle of the kitchen floor to check my phone messages; that was my first mistake.  When I came back downstairs, this is what I found:

Why hate the throw blanket?

     For some reason, there was a hate-on for a small throw blanket that I bought and the label suffered thusly.  I uploaded a video to YouTube of Duke getting in trouble for it, see sidebar.  Duke likes to take things out of bags.  As a side note, I am wearing two different socks in the video, that is how awesome I am.
     The second was worse, more for the potential danger than anything else.  I was sitting in my office, innocently working away when I heard the unmistakable sound of crunching plastic.  There is no good coming out of this sound, so I ran downstairs, and this is what I found:

Not a trace remained of the BBQ chicken.

     What is this, you ask?  Well, it's the plastic tray from one of those ready made BBQ chickens you buy from the grocery store, the lid is still on the counter.  What is missing, you now ask yourself?  THE CHICKEN.  If you look carefully, you will see that the top of the black part of the tray has a nick out of it.  This is where Nuka, (no doubt about the culprit) started to consume the tray once the chicken was gone.
     But how did Nuka get the chicken?  Surely she is not so unruly that she would steal it from the counter top, she is a lady, after all!  No, of course she wouldn't.  Nuka would never, ever do that.  So how, then?

Basset Hounds: Taller than you think.

     Ah ha!  Duke.  Yes, that's right, they are now working together, against me.  The real shame of it all is that Duke did all the work, and Nuka reaped all the rewards.  Thankfully she did not choke on any bones and everything seems to have 'passed' through without incident, this time, anyway.  Who can say what they're plotting next?